Stand-Up Comedian & Writer

Oh No Conversations: Edibles

Oh no…I just started a conversation with a man who just recently ate edibles. This conversation never changes. The beats are as consistent as the sun rising each day.

Yup, he just brought it up unannounced. I asked about his sick mother. Instead, he is convinced I need to hear about his latest edible adventure. However, this story will not be an adventure. It will simply be about a man and his extracurricular diet. His adult candy will have a pun for a name.

Nug Newtons.

Here we go.

Next will be where he bought it.

The dispensary also has a pun for a name.

All-Greens Pharmacy.

The price he paid is unmatched by others. Never has such a deal materialized. Not only were the edibles low-priced, but the seller even threw in a few small baggies of extra edibles. This generous donation was no accident. This edible eater and edible seller go way back. This deal is not given to just anyone. Not even if the extra edibles are promotional giveaways. No. This act of generosity is predicated on being bros.

Now is the moment for insipid details about how edibles are a different kind of high. How they rock his body with psychedelic delight. Normally his tolerance is that of a man whose body thrives off of THC instead of oxygen. This is a lie.

And now, worst of all, the powerful potency and dosage of the edibles.

This part of the conversation is the worst scientific lecture ever recited. The metric system is used. Nonsensical acronyms are listed. Incorrect genus and species of plants confidently dropped. References to the bud-tender and his mystical techniques recited. All through uncontrollable giggling, dudes, and seriouslys.

Oh no…the edibles have kicked in. Dude. Seriously. I’m feelin’ them now dude. Seriously.

No new knowledge has been gained. No new insights on life.



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