Stand-Up Comedian & Writer

Spice Up Your Email Signature with these Quotes

Professional emails are vital to maintaining a healthy and favorable work relationship among colleagues and peers. Most people get hung up on how to start an email, but the most crucial element of an email is the signature quote.

The signature quote is critical because it’s the last phrase read, serving as both an extension of one’s personality and a lasting impression of one’s character. The signature quote could serve as the decisive factor in one’s invitation to the company’s weekly happy hours.

Colleagues do not want to crush three dollar IPA’s with one someone who wishes “to be the change they wish to see in the world.” Gandhi was a fantastic and admirable social rights activist, but an abysmal drinking buddy.

Below you’ll find different email signatures for different occupations. Try one out and go from Gandhi wannabe to Luke Perry circa the 1990s.

Bank Teller

“A penny saved is a penny earned.” – Benjamin Franklin

Small Business Owner

The winner is the chef who takes the same ingredients as everyone else and produces the best results.” – Edward de Bono


“A smelly and wet handshake is a telltale sign of hard work.”  – Frank Dicola

Temp Worker

I’m a functioning pot-smoker.” – Sir Tokes A Lot

Personal Assistant

“I love The Devil Wears Prada. Hathaway is my spirit animal.” – Tiffany from Sales


“If you’ve received an email from me, there’s 80% chance your child’s an asshole.” – Mr. Lay


“Everything in life is a think piece if you think hard enough.” – Jeff Magnus


“I am the Rachel on youtube, NOT youporn.” – Rachel Skirts

Instagram Model

“Detox your life (with @SkinnyBunnyTea). P.S. 5,000 more followers and I’ll release some racy pics! x0x0” – @GlamGracie


“For more headshots, click the link in my bio @Gregforhire.” – Greg Stones


“If my fingers fit, then you’re good to go!” – Dr. Feely

Drug Dealer 

“I’ll give you a free dimebag if you go see a movie with me.” – The Lonely Stoner

Plastic Surgeon

“It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. ” – Dr. Gumb

NASA Astronaut

“The black holes in space have nothing on your mother’s.” – Neil Armstrong


“We also work with crazy exes!” – Father Dyer

Trump Administration 

Lies are facts that others refuse to believe. Kellyanne Conway 





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